My hands are still trembling from doing the exact opposite of what I intended to do. I booked my first solo trip for a week in Tasmania. OH-MY-GOD, YES, I DID! WHAT WAS I THINKING?The tickets were cheap and it seemed like a good idea in the moment. Now that I have the itinerary staring at me in the face as sits comfortably my inbox, I am having a mini panic attack. What was I thinking? Where am I going to live? How am I going to afford this holiday? What kind of person spends Christmas alone in a new place? I should’ve pinched myself out of this fantasy of an idea sooner. I didn’t. I clicked, and clicked again, and now it’s real. It is happening.
I have travelled on my own before but always to places where I have known friends and family. While I would get out on my own to explore the city in the day, I would always come home to someone known. This isn’t the same. This is a solo adventure from start to finish and the thought of it is giving me the loosies. People make me anxious to the extent that I have needed a wingman to make friends. And here I am, booked for seven days to a beautiful place, on my own.
I hate eating alone in restaurants.
Too many people in a room make me anxious.
Being alone in a new place makes me nervous.
Pushing yourself into the unknown can make you really edgy but I guess, there is also this comfort of being the stranger amidst other strangers on the street. For the first time, I don’t know what to expect. The thought alone freaks me out but it also feels strangely exciting. I have friends who have travelled to a different continent for months on their own, backpacking through cities and countries without a trip back home. When I think back to their stories and experiences, I feel so inspired. Now that the reality of my actions are settling, I can feel the excitement in my stomach and heart. My adventure doesn’t feel as big but it feels like a milestone in my book of life. I see it being a chapter in itself. Maybe, in losing myself, I might actually find myself.
Now am I wrong for trying to reach the things that I can’t see?
Today’s tune: Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz.
Day 27 – 30 May 2017.
339 days to go.
Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.