Day 54 – One call away

In a world driven and divided by selfish motives, corporate greed, extremist religious beliefs, radical political ideologies, online bullying, and war, embody the morality you believe in. Your wellness and that of others rests in your hands as much as it does in those with the power to implement change. You and I can make a difference to worlds that are otherwise challenging, conflicting and chaotic. Practice random acts of kindness for friends, your family and strangers. You are a spoke on the wheel of growth, development and love. The greatest innovations came from the homes of compassionate yet driven individuals. Social activists were once young readers challenged by authority too. You are not alone, your fight isn’t just yours alone.

Be the change you want to see.

Today’s tune: One Call Away by Charlie Puth.

Day 54 – 8 October 2017.
312 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Vero Photoart on Unsplash

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Day 53 – Group chats

From rationing 160-character texts to instant messenger chat rooms to group chats and voicenotes, communication has come a long way. There is no better way to raise your spirits than to have the most random conversations with your friends, all at once. Personalities with their own quirks and opinions. It is never dull and you are never alone. It is your gateway to vent, share and listen. It is the doorstep to your best friend’s heart and life (especially with distance). It is in these conversations that you often tease each other but also comfort and fight for each other. Group chats are now my meme banks and reason for laughter. They are also my source to daily affirmation, motivation and love. They are a reminder of all that is good.

No filters or bad blood, only love.

Today’s tune: Umbrella by Rihanna.

Day 53 – 7 October 2017.
313 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Day 41 – What is self care?

Sometimes self care is exercise and eating right. Sometimes it’s spending time with loved ones or taking a nap. And sometimes it’s watching an entire season of television in one weekend while you lounge around in your pyjamas. Whatever soothes your soul. — Nanea Hoffman

Sometimes self care is writing or drawing. Sometimes it is fighting for what is right for you. Sometimes it is saying no. It could also be travelling to a new city alone. Sometimes it is doing absolutely nothing. Self care is also telling yourself it’s okay to make mistakes; it’s okay to not know. Sometimes it is letting people see you for who you are. It is also not being ashamed of being weak. It is also accepting that you are strong.

I often feel the need to be what others need me to be. This at the cost of being exhausted – mentally, physically but mostly, emotionally. I’ve always been fine when asked, irrespective of the reality of the situation. I don’t know if I say this to make myself believe it or just to be what others need me to be. Either way, I’m fine.

Here’s what I didn’t see before – being in the now with how you feel instead of ignoring your emotions can go a long way with feeling good. You’re not always fine and that’s okay to. You will be.

Taking time to yourself to do simple things and just being is as important as fulfilling your daily basic needs. Last weekend, I read a book, binge-watched movies and tv shows, slept during the day, and read some more. As this week began, I felt a lot healthier than I have in the past few weeks. I felt like I was finally in tandem with my emotions. I woke up with no alarms or deadline pressures. I simply took the day as it was and bloomed.

For most friends who’ve struggled with any personal conflict, I’ve always told them to put themselves first. Even then, my biggest struggle has been to practice what I preach; to put myself first. Now…no more.

Here’s to doing what you need to do for yourself. Big or small, do it. Do it for you.

Today’s tune: Reflecting Light by Sam Philips.

Day 41 – 25 September 2017.
325 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Tom Ezzatkhah on Unsplash

Days 39 – Good or bad, time will tell

I thought I always knew better. I thought laying out all those options and opinions meant picking out what was best for me. Maybe not.

Maybe I don’t know better. I’m constantly comparing myself to fellow friends and acquaintances, and all their achievements. A relative term by the way. Who decides what an achievement is? You? Me? Some people know who they’re meant to be at 19, some are still figuring it out at 40. I’m at a stage where I know whatever I will be, I will be passionate. I try.

We’re constantly laying out plans and dates for ourselves. I know I have and with only a few months to 25, and I’m way off the timeline I set for myself 10 years ago. What if life as we know it is meant to be incidental? I don’t know if what I do today is good or bad. This Master’s degree, cross-country adventures, my career, my relationships.

Good or bad? Time will tell.

Sometimes, you just wait it out to find out. This is isn’t about latching on the possibility of a bigger and better future. What is bigger and better? Another relative idea really. Everything happens for a reason. The people I’ve known have led me to become the person I am. The homes I left, led to the home I’m now making. It took me a while but I now understand that every step we take is just a piece of the puzzle laid out for us by God, for the bigger picture. And it is so easy to lose sight of that big picture when you’re rushing to get things done. When you’re rushing to hang your “achievements” across that white picket fence you always dreamed of.

Don’t. Don’t rush.

We are not running out of time. Our journeys will pan out as they must eventually anyway. So it is okay not knowing once in a way. It’s okay to keep putting your building blocks together, bit by bit. It’s okay to feel confused. It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s okay to feel everything all at once.

It’s okay!

Today’s tune: Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) by Hillsong Worship.

Day 39 – 23 September 2017.
327 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

Day 36 – (not so) small wonders

I hate that I sound like a nag on loop but bear with me. I can’t remember the last time I slept without worrying about the next day or the day before. Or since I walked out with no map or agenda for the day. It has been a while since I really laughed. It’s really been a while!

Despite this and being away from the comfort of home, for all the days that I’ve felt worn and torn, I am grateful for all those calls, hugs and affirmations. All the days that I didn’t want to get out of bed or dragged myself from work to school and home, I am grateful for those companions who’ve shown so much love and understanding. Thank you for bearing with my lack of enthusiasm and poor communication.

It has been a while since I’ve had some good things going. More to do with how I feel mentally than the physical evidence of things going well. Yes, there is a lot to be grateful for but it’s difficult when you mind gives up on you. It’s difficult when you often see the darkness of the tunnel instead of the ray of light at the end of it. Tonight, however, does feel good knowing that I’m surrounded by the kind of family that isn’t bound by blood alone but by choice too.

Oh life, thank you for your small wonders.

Today’s tune: Sham – Aisha Soundtrack.

Day 36 – 20 September 2017.
330 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Day 35 – Serendipitous strangers…

… and small talk.

 

Somewhere past first introductions, being acquaintances and small talk, you find similarities and intimacy with strangers you didn’t imagine possible. Over those many texts and phone calls, the best part about these friendships is getting to know each other.

Whenever I’m in a room with new people, I’m always tongue tied and my gut always pulls back. There is this sudden need for boundaries from people you’ve met only moments ago. How much information is too much? How much is enough? Funny enough, this guard just drops when I see who I am with, and tongue tied who?

All these life-long friendships have grown from being serendipitous strangers to being friends like family. One such human of joy is Aakansha aka Keds aka Lover & Keeper of Fairy Lights. After months of texting each other and planning, Aakansha and I finally met at Pancake Parlour about a year ago. One thing led to another and the evening ended with me being at her house and hanging out like we were friends from some other life, in her backyard. We found ourselves sharing stories that were a lot more intimate than those you usually would in a first meet. Strangely enough when we have to share our story, we were introduced to each other by another common friend (shoutout to Rhuta). I remember one of us pointing out how easily we connected despite being just acquaintances the day before.

Getting to know someone for the first time is like diving into that delicious molten cake from your favourite Friday night restaurant. You start out with some vanilla ice-cream, move on to that warm layer of cake, and finally dive straight into that rich molten chocolate. Each element tells its own story while you’re unravelling all those flavours. A lot like new friendships and getting to know someone. It’s all in the details; in the stories.

Serendipitous strangers

Now that I’m reliving that moment, all it was was two serendipitous strangers sitting on the grass with their glasses of wine, talking about life instead of making small talk.

My daily affirmations are proof of the impact these beautiful strangers can have on your life…on you.

Get out. Stay out. Find your stranger(s).

Today’s tune: Perfect Strangers (Cover) by Grace Grundy.

Day 35 – 19 September 2017.
331 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

Day 18 – I want to vent but…

Most of my conflicts are resolved with compromise from my end rather than confrontation. I can’t always hold up the mirror when we hit rough patches and that leads to things never being resolved. I can’t always be vulnerable because I would rather be in control.

Last night, I needed to vent about someone because things just weren’t falling into place (yes, just another one of my flaws, I know). I needed someone to hear my side and frustration before I caved in. I thought of different scenarios in which I could approach this person but the fear of conflict and hurting them stopped me from doing it. Thank God for best friends who know and understand your weaknesses (with no harm intended) and are willing to listen.

I sat on the fence (again).

My venting or rather the need for it obviously got to my best friend this time. I do this thing where I talk about the person, defend them, talk about the problem again, but go on with it anyway. So this was round two of the same problem and he wasn’t willing to listen. Apparently, I didn’t deserve the attention because I hadn’t done anything to improve the situation since we last spoke. According to him, I was being ridiculous and simply venting (again). Not being able to talk to him about this nagging feeling got me even more restless. But in the middle of our own little fight, he did raise a good point. He said maybe what you share with her might help her rather than upset her. Maybe it would help me too.

I feel really guilty for talking about this friend. But not being able to talk to her leads me to talk about her in the hope that I may find some solution. I feel it might help me understand her better. Does that make me a bad friend? It doesn’t make me the best but is it the worst? I suddenly feel hollow and childish for not untying the knots in our relationship.

What if I say too much or not enough? What if I say what they don’t want to hear?

We worry too much about the future of our relationships and often overlook the fact that it might already be rotting in the present. You can’t always sit on the rock in the middle of nowhere waiting for someone to save you. Sometimes you have to face your fears and swim across the rough waters to reach the shore. Just like that, you can’t always vent about a problem and allow it to fix itself. You have to be the one to fix it.

I choose to swim.

(and I have my best friend to thank for it)

Today’s tune: Riptide by Vance Joy.

Day 18 – 21 May 2017.
348 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Day 16 – Where is the love?

Not every day will be good day, but I wish today wasn’t one of those bad ones.

I was talking to three of my best friends today and somehow, all our conversations ended up in either a fight or us hanging up cold. I called one, and then the other and then it happened again. Was it me or were we all just having bad days? None of the people or conversations were connected. I just needed comfort from my mains, but somehow they all put me in a spot I didn’t want to be in. I had a tough week and I needed to feel at home. I needed to feel at home with these people, my people. But we couldn’t work it out, not today anyway. Continue reading “Day 16 – Where is the love?”

Day 11 – Motherhood II

Today, I kept looking at everyone share so many beautiful thoughts and messages for their mums. Some in spirit and some in the flesh. My heart has been filled with so much love and gratitude. I haven’t felt this happy in a while. Reading every post only made me realise how much unconditional love still exists in the world. There is no love like that of a mother’s. Yet, it felt like I didn’t have the right words to express how I felt.

Part II: Mama Correia aka Supermom aka Best Friend

After my father died, my mother chose to continue living, and with strength and love. She didn’t want to, she didn’t have to, but she chose to. My mother chose my brother and me over grieving and losing her all. Some would say motherhood is a struggle, but I’ve watched my mother embrace it as a privilege. My brother and I could only be ever so lucky − we are the privileged ones.

We celebrated Easter a few weeks ago. A feast where we celebrate the resurrection of Christ and his sacrifice so we can live. The priest spoke about Jesus’ suffering, and how he became divine so we could be human. He talked about his unconditional and everlasting love for us. Through the Holy Week services, I kept thinking how wonderful it would be to actually meet Jesus and experience that kind of love in person. To embrace it in the flesh. The kind of love that is patient, kind, forgiving and powerful. What I didn’t realise then and felt today was that I have had that kind of love with me all along.

My mother is patient, kind, powerful. Her love never fails.

My mother is my faith in the world and everything it holds. She is my strength, grace and guiding force through the good and bad times. She is my good times. She is my mum and my dad. She is my everything. She is my best best friend. Her love is mine and nothing compares.

Happy Mother’s Day mum. Thank you for doing your best.

Your love is like the wildest ocean
Oh nothing else compares
Your love never fails

Today’s tune(s):
Love So Great by Hillsong Worship
Broken Vessels by Hillsong Worship

You’re My Best Friend by Queen

Day 11 – 14 May 2017.
355 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

 

Day 10 – Motherhood I

Tomorrow we all celebrate Mother’s Day to honour that constant force that has been with us since our first heartbeat. What is motherhood to you? For me, motherhood isn’t just a relationship between a mother and her child. It is a way of life, sometimes beyond bloodlines.

This is a series to honour the women that have been an influence in my life. To the women that have taught me how to live, love and laugh.

Part I: Nana Noronha aka Peggy

Mother of six (and two dogs), grandmother of eleven. She was a woman of steel. As the eldest granddaughter, I was lucky to have spent my childhood with her.

Her day always started with mass and a walk around the block. Followed by a trip to the local market, negotiating with the fisher mongers and showering the stray dogs with love (and Parle-G). She powdered daily and wore her dresses without a crease. Her shoulders always sharp and straight, she was always full of energy. She loved to cook but loved to feed us even more. She made a mean Eggflip and her Goan curries were to die for. Her Christmas cake was a family tradition that started months before with the ingredients soaked in rum and ready to be relished come December. She loved her late night Hindi soap operas, and cried for the actors like they were her own. Feni on the rocks was her poison. Her grandkids’ chubby cheeks her pride.

She was one of a kind.

Nana Noronha was strong, through the ups and downs of life. And she had many. She was a self-made woman and taught us all to be no different. No matter the storm, she taught her children to hold on to their faith and fight. Today, I see a little of her in all of them. I see her in and with us. The Noronha siblings are like all five fingers, each different but together form one solid fist.

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Motherhood, for me, is my grandmother.

Hi Peggy,

Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for raising such amazing children. They miss you, I do too. We know you are with us and are always watching over us. You must feel so proud so see how well we all are doing, and how we all take after our grandmother.

Until we meet again.

You’re once
Twice
Three times a lady
And I love you

Today’s tune – Three Times a Lady by Lionel Richie.

Day 10 – 13 May 2017.
356 days to go.