Day 52 – Be as you are

Attractive waist lines and skin tones. Melodious voices and wired brains. Good hair and sun- kissed smiles. Defined gender roles and ideal sexual orientation. What if, in an alternate universe, everything that we’re conditioned to thinking is wrong with us was right?

In a world telling you who to be, live your truth.

We are slapped with labels, stereotypes and expectations. We are told everything we’re not instead being celebrated for everything we are. Life will not always be comfortable and there will be good and bad days. What makes life easier is when you stop trying to be someone you’re not because the world appears to be nice to a certain kind of person. You will be happier when you start living your story as it is, as you want to tell it to the world. Life will be easier when your behaviour and attitude is a reflection of what you want and who you are beneath all those layers and labels for the world. Being comfortable in your own skin is a grace. Something I often struggle with but I am trying. If anything, I know that that accepting your flaws and mistakes only makes you stronger. It only makes you happier. It sets you apart in a way that cannot be broken to please the world. It cannot be replaced.

There are moments when you fall to the ground
But you are stronger than you feel you are now
You don’t always have to speak so loud, no
Just be as you are
Life is not always a comfortable ride
Everybody’s got scars that they hide
And everybody plays the fool sometimes, yeah
Just be as you are

Today’s tune: Be As You Are by Mike Posner.

Day 52 – 6 October 2017.
314 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Alessio Lin on Unsplash

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Day 51 – Change might be the only constant…

…but that doesn’t include your heart.

In a world reminding you of everything that is wrong, hold on to and fight for the good within and around you. Spread love and kindness in a world filled with a war of words and terror. For when the world ends, you will remember the love you shared not your fear or hostility. You will remember the hearts carved on barks in the wilderness or the strangers that moved you. You will remember the times that made you smile and the people who were there for you. You will remember your childhood and its innocence, not the obstacles that made you doubt yourself. When the world ends, you won’t remember the heartless moments but those that were honest and full of soul. No expectations, just smiles. In a world trying to change your heart, fight for you.

You are your hope, you are your light, you are your heart.

Today’s tune: Awoo by Sofi Tukker teat. Betta Lemme.

Day 51 – 5 October 2017.
315 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Day 50 – Time is too short

Sunsets are proof that there can be beauty in goodbyes
— Beau Taplin

The sky paints hues of warmth that speak to my being despite the chaos and voices in and around me. Knowing that someone somewhere is watching this beauty unfold with you, is reassuring and beautiful.

Wait, stop, hold on for a moment.

As the sun sets tonight, take a moment to watch the sky turn to dusk. Watch the moon blend with the purple pink hues of the night, as the wind teases your skin. Watch the stars shine against the depth and darkness of the night, and hold on to that light and feeling that shines within you, under that starlit sky.

Hold on to that. Nothing more, nothing less.

Today’s tune: Every Breath You Take by The Police.

Day 50 – 4 October 2017.
316 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Markos Mant on Unsplash

Day 49 – To my past demons…

…you don’t control me no more.

The past will always find a way to weave itself back into our lives. You will have dreams (or nightmares), conversations and occasional confrontations. You will be made to believe that you are wrong or at fault. You will be made to question every action and relationship. You will be pushed into having an existential crisis. You will lose faith. You will lose you.

From being naive and awkward in school to now being somewhat self-assured while pursuing a Master’s degree, what I learned is that your past will only hurt you for as long as you let it. Much like with your demons, face your past with strength and dignity. People in your present are not the demons from your past. Open your heart to possibilities and let go of the negativity. I know this is not easy because the past can be daunting – it could be school, a job, a person(s), an event, a taboo or a habit. It could be the journey from ignorance to awareness. It could be the process of denial to acceptance. I know this is not easy because it is easier said than done. I know this is not easy because history can always repeat itself. But would you rather live the rest of your life in fear of a disheartening past or in anticipation of a glorious future? Let go and seek your light.

Sunrise, sunset. Good vibes, beautiful human, good vibes only. 

Today’s tune: Glorious by Macklemore ft. Skylar Grey.

Day 49 – 3 October 2017.
317 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Nitish Meena on Unsplash

Day 47 – You’re my best friend

I have always been most comfortable in my own company. Very content too. Friends often mistake this for not being social or for isolating myself from reality. I’m really not. I genuinely enjoy spending a quiet day by myself every now and then, watching a movie or reading a book. Some days when I feel low, I enjoy my own company even more because it is on those days that I’ve connected with the best friend I know – me.

A few months ago, I wrote about this way of life. The one I wouldn’t trade for anything because it has helped me get through the most challenging times. It also led me to some of the happiest and adventurous moments. Lately, I’ve been questioning if this very path or comfort that helped me get through the toughest times has now become my worst enemy. What if being too comfortable in my own company led me to being isolated from everyone and everything? from life?

I’ve learned this before and it’s sinking in now again. Everyone has good and bad days. And just like the seasons, they all pass. You will be your worst enemy if that’s who you choose to be or you will be your own best friend and saviour. I choose the latter, for better or for worse.

I do.

In the last ten years, there have been times when I’ve let myself down. There have also been days when I’ve lifted myself from piles of unwarranted pressure and pain. It’s not that I buried emotion or didn’t face the reality of the situation. I simply addressed the issue and moved on. There have been deaths and heartbreak. We’ve moved homes, had old and new friendships break and make up, and so much more. None of it was easy but none of it was impossible to get over either. I mean, I am here. Right?

Defence mechanisms are easier because running from life is easier than chasing it. Just because it is easy, it doesn’t mean it’s right.

I have been reciting and repeating circumstances as I perceive them to be to make myself believe that I am in a bad place. It’s the case of the glass being half empty instead of being half full. It’s not and I’m not (anymore). As I’m reading things from days before, I see that I may have led you to believe that I have fallen down a dark hole or am really hurting. Forgive my words for making things seem worse than they are. Yes, I’ve had a hard time but we all do.

Excuses and an escape – I’m guilty. I have been telling myself that things are hard so I can run away from responsibility. To the extent that I almost believed it too. Yes, they have been hard but I’ve through worse. Far worse. Maybe it was easier then because I was able to cope with the comfort of home. That said, I know I can and will cope now too because I am my homeI am lucky I was able to seek help, as one should. I am lucky that through these conversations and posts, I was able to reflect and find my way back to light.

I am inspired and inspiring.

All of this crying, chaos and confusion has taught me that the shore is always within our reach. We just need to keep swimming. I need to keep swimming. I can’t promise that I won’t make things seem worse than they are in the future. But for now, I am in a really good place and I am grateful for it. I am so grateful for you. Most of all, I am grateful for me.

Happy October, y’all. Two months to my favourite time of the year, and cake soaked in rum. I’ve got my Christmas playlist ready. What about you?

Today’s tune: You’re My Best Friend by The Once.

Day 47 – 1 October 2017.
319 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Brianna Santellan on Unsplash

Day 41 – What is self care?

Sometimes self care is exercise and eating right. Sometimes it’s spending time with loved ones or taking a nap. And sometimes it’s watching an entire season of television in one weekend while you lounge around in your pyjamas. Whatever soothes your soul. — Nanea Hoffman

Sometimes self care is writing or drawing. Sometimes it is fighting for what is right for you. Sometimes it is saying no. It could also be travelling to a new city alone. Sometimes it is doing absolutely nothing. Self care is also telling yourself it’s okay to make mistakes; it’s okay to not know. Sometimes it is letting people see you for who you are. It is also not being ashamed of being weak. It is also accepting that you are strong.

I often feel the need to be what others need me to be. This at the cost of being exhausted – mentally, physically but mostly, emotionally. I’ve always been fine when asked, irrespective of the reality of the situation. I don’t know if I say this to make myself believe it or just to be what others need me to be. Either way, I’m fine.

Here’s what I didn’t see before – being in the now with how you feel instead of ignoring your emotions can go a long way with feeling good. You’re not always fine and that’s okay to. You will be.

Taking time to yourself to do simple things and just being is as important as fulfilling your daily basic needs. Last weekend, I read a book, binge-watched movies and tv shows, slept during the day, and read some more. As this week began, I felt a lot healthier than I have in the past few weeks. I felt like I was finally in tandem with my emotions. I woke up with no alarms or deadline pressures. I simply took the day as it was and bloomed.

For most friends who’ve struggled with any personal conflict, I’ve always told them to put themselves first. Even then, my biggest struggle has been to practice what I preach; to put myself first. Now…no more.

Here’s to doing what you need to do for yourself. Big or small, do it. Do it for you.

Today’s tune: Reflecting Light by Sam Philips.

Day 41 – 25 September 2017.
325 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Tom Ezzatkhah on Unsplash