Day 57 – Happy birthday, ma

Life isn’t always perfect but with you by my side, it has been nothing but a joyride filled with highest of highs despite the lowest of lows. You make us feel so safe and grounded, even if that means pushing yourself an extra mile or sacrificing your own wants and needs. I have never fully understood putting someone else’s before your own. I have never fully understood the grace of being selfless. You are.

From visiting the grave everyday after daddy passed away, to being our fortress and starting a new chapter for us and yourself on your own, you have come a long way. People have seen your smiles but we have seen the tears and the fight. I am so grateful to have been a part of your journey. A journey of transformation; a journey of strength and love. A journey of a woman so fearless. A journey of a woman who always believed in kindness and in love.

Happy birthday mum. You are and will always be the love of my life.

PS. Funny, the day is also your age.

Today’s tune: The Power of Love by Céline Dion.

Day 57 – 11 October 2017.
309 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Day 55 – Life in limbo…

…and the last quarter

Life feels like it is in a kind of limbo now that the semester and year is almost coming to an end. There is something about the end of the year that feels most promising but also uncertain. With university especially, twelve weeks felt like a year with so much done and yet nothing accomplished.

I’m looking forward to 2018 now more than ever because it feels like the perfect excuse for a “clean slate” — from adulting, men that drag you down and a mind that is in a state of constant confusion and denial.

Till then, limbo-o and a quarter of tequila?

Today’s tune: Tequila Sunrise by Eagles.

Day 55 – 9 October 2017.
311 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Rachael Crowe on Unsplash

 

Day 54 – One call away

In a world driven and divided by selfish motives, corporate greed, extremist religious beliefs, radical political ideologies, online bullying, and war, embody the morality you believe in. Your wellness and that of others rests in your hands as much as it does in those with the power to implement change. You and I can make a difference to worlds that are otherwise challenging, conflicting and chaotic. Practice random acts of kindness for friends, your family and strangers. You are a spoke on the wheel of growth, development and love. The greatest innovations came from the homes of compassionate yet driven individuals. Social activists were once young readers challenged by authority too. You are not alone, your fight isn’t just yours alone.

Be the change you want to see.

Today’s tune: One Call Away by Charlie Puth.

Day 54 – 8 October 2017.
312 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Vero Photoart on Unsplash

Day 53 – Group chats

From rationing 160-character texts to instant messenger chat rooms to group chats and voicenotes, communication has come a long way. There is no better way to raise your spirits than to have the most random conversations with your friends, all at once. Personalities with their own quirks and opinions. It is never dull and you are never alone. It is your gateway to vent, share and listen. It is the doorstep to your best friend’s heart and life (especially with distance). It is in these conversations that you often tease each other but also comfort and fight for each other. Group chats are now my meme banks and reason for laughter. They are also my source to daily affirmation, motivation and love. They are a reminder of all that is good.

No filters or bad blood, only love.

Today’s tune: Umbrella by Rihanna.

Day 53 – 7 October 2017.
313 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Day 45 – You’ve got a friend

Three months to being in the comfort of home and within the embrace of my family and friends in Bombay. I cannot wait.

That said, I’ve had that comfort of home all those miles away too. Friends are the family you choose, and this couldn’t be truer with how I feel about my home away from home in Melbourne. I’m on my way to a party with these people I call home. No thoughts to share, just some lyrics to leave you with and a wish for you to find love like this. The kind that says…

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, running, yeah, yeah, yeah, to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes I will.
You’ve got a friend

Today’s tune: You’ve Got A Friend by Carole King.

Day 45 – 29 September 2017.
321 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Leon Christopher on Unsplash

Day 36 – (not so) small wonders

I hate that I sound like a nag on loop but bear with me. I can’t remember the last time I slept without worrying about the next day or the day before. Or since I walked out with no map or agenda for the day. It has been a while since I really laughed. It’s really been a while!

Despite this and being away from the comfort of home, for all the days that I’ve felt worn and torn, I am grateful for all those calls, hugs and affirmations. All the days that I didn’t want to get out of bed or dragged myself from work to school and home, I am grateful for those companions who’ve shown so much love and understanding. Thank you for bearing with my lack of enthusiasm and poor communication.

It has been a while since I’ve had some good things going. More to do with how I feel mentally than the physical evidence of things going well. Yes, there is a lot to be grateful for but it’s difficult when you mind gives up on you. It’s difficult when you often see the darkness of the tunnel instead of the ray of light at the end of it. Tonight, however, does feel good knowing that I’m surrounded by the kind of family that isn’t bound by blood alone but by choice too.

Oh life, thank you for your small wonders.

Today’s tune: Sham – Aisha Soundtrack.

Day 36 – 20 September 2017.
330 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Day 35 – Serendipitous strangers…

… and small talk.

 

Somewhere past first introductions, being acquaintances and small talk, you find similarities and intimacy with strangers you didn’t imagine possible. Over those many texts and phone calls, the best part about these friendships is getting to know each other.

Whenever I’m in a room with new people, I’m always tongue tied and my gut always pulls back. There is this sudden need for boundaries from people you’ve met only moments ago. How much information is too much? How much is enough? Funny enough, this guard just drops when I see who I am with, and tongue tied who?

All these life-long friendships have grown from being serendipitous strangers to being friends like family. One such human of joy is Aakansha aka Keds aka Lover & Keeper of Fairy Lights. After months of texting each other and planning, Aakansha and I finally met at Pancake Parlour about a year ago. One thing led to another and the evening ended with me being at her house and hanging out like we were friends from some other life, in her backyard. We found ourselves sharing stories that were a lot more intimate than those you usually would in a first meet. Strangely enough when we have to share our story, we were introduced to each other by another common friend (shoutout to Rhuta). I remember one of us pointing out how easily we connected despite being just acquaintances the day before.

Getting to know someone for the first time is like diving into that delicious molten cake from your favourite Friday night restaurant. You start out with some vanilla ice-cream, move on to that warm layer of cake, and finally dive straight into that rich molten chocolate. Each element tells its own story while you’re unravelling all those flavours. A lot like new friendships and getting to know someone. It’s all in the details; in the stories.

Now that I’m reliving that moment, all it was was two serendipitous strangers sitting on the grass with their glasses of wine, talking about life instead of making small talk.

My daily affirmations are proof of the impact these beautiful strangers can have on your life…on you.

Get out. Stay out. Find your stranger(s).

Today’s tune: Perfect Strangers (Cover) by Grace Grundy.

Day 35 – 19 September 2017.
331 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

Day 28 – Alive

Heartbreak can be as liberating as it is painful. For the most part, I am okay because I have been distracted. It gets tough when I am alone and staring at silence storm its fist at me. It get though when my thought drift towards what could be and what isn’t. It is tough but for the most part I am okay.

Day 22 – I should have known better but…

I should have known better than to chase something that seemed like a fantasy, but I wandered into the choppy waters anyway, unprepared. I sought something I thought I deserved but in truth, it wasn’t mine to begin with.

Love is like the wind and you’re the sailor trying to find your shore. Like the wind, it gives you direction but it may not always to the right destination.

I have always been one to follow my heart and instinct with people because sometimes you just know. You just know know in that moment that you want to pursue someone and that they could complete you. You know that you’re willing to be vulnerable (and I am rarely willing to be vulnerable). The problem with that though is that you are also risking everything that once was for something you think might exist in the future – a risk that could end in (at least) two ways. One that could make you happy and the other other that will strip you of every emotion you once felt.

I should’ve listened to the part of me that screamed no but I chose to take the risk anyway. Sometimes those voices in your head screaming all the reasons of doubt can save you from yourself. I should have listened!

In trying to keep myself occupied, my mind kept drifting to a place of unresolved issues, so I started typing.

it started two months ago
our relationship began to crumble
I kept shelving the discomfort
but now I see it unravel

you’re tearing me to pieces
you’re driving me insane
you tell me you love me
but give me darkness instead

you want her heart
but crave my body
you say I make your heart race
but won’t come out and call me

I thought we shared our souls
maybe it was just me
all those hours of laughter and tears
was that just heat?

it’s been a year and you’ve said nothing
you tell me you can’t choose
you don’t know how
though I see you drifting loose

you say it’s all in my head
you say I got here on my own
I’m wrapped up in a dark fantasy
chasing pavements and your heart of stone

so here we are
torn apart
hiding in the shadows of our guilt
holding on to our past

is this guilt
was it a mistake?
this lust turned to love
how do I make it go away?

where is this love you professed?
where is the castle your promised to build?
were we ever okay to begin with?
will you hold me, still?

it’s not your fault
it’s not mine either
it’s just this heart
that’s grown weaker

I wish I made you happy
I wish you could choose me
maybe in another lifetime
our forever could be

truth is, I loved you then
I love you now
and if you ever come knocking
I will love you again, every minute of every hour

Today’s tune: Justin Bieber (Acoustic Set) – BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge.

Day 22 – 25 May 2017.
344 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.

Day 19 – Soulful stories

We all have a rehearsed set of lines similar to our Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn bios. These are usually simple yet exciting enough, witty but safe. It is the story you know people want to hear even if it is not yours to tell. It is a story of our past achievements, our future aspirations, our talents and outward appearances. It is a story meant for the file.

Are you your hobbies or your values?

This morning, mum and I were talking about people judging each other based on what they see or read on social media. It is most often the first point of contact, and if it doesn’t match one’s expectations, it could be the last. She suggested that maybe I should tone down my blog posts and not get too personal on such a public platform. That I was giving away too much information, the kind that may not be appreciated. A few years ago, I would worry. I would worry about who read what I wrote and filter my audience due of the fear of being judged. Today, I have grown to be comfortable with myself. Today, I want my story to be heard. So my argument back was why not let people know what makes me the person I am, rather than letting them see what they think they know. Or for those who didn’t know me, why ruin the first impression? I was confident of being true to my values and I see no wrong in sharing that with the world.

I guess our real stories are most pure and beautiful because they are uncensored and vulnerable. These are stories about our journey to what got us to this point. It is the story in which we bear our souls and talk about who we are beneath the layers on display. It is the story that extends beyond our comfort zone and leaves us raw and exposed. It is intense but it is honest, and it is out there for someone to love or leave you. So why isn’t it okay to share? Why are we wired to put out something we’re not?

I have heard some of the most inspiring stories from friends who might seem to have it all together but have struggled to get where they are today. It isn’t easy but they shared their stories with me anyway. They opened their doors and exposed their lives. Listening to them, in that moment, was magical and pure. It was when I fell in love with them because I got to know these friends for who they really were and not just what they wanted the rest of the world to see. It was magical because I could see myself in them. When I heard their honest soul-bearing stories, I knew that I had to have them in my life forever. How else do you know whether or not you might like someone?

This 365 project is my story and it is 365 shades of honesty. Occasionally, it is also my (many) shades of complication. What is your story?

Today’s tune: Fresh Eyes by Andy Grammer.

Day 19 – 22 May 2017.
347 days to go.

Thanks for listening and if you relate, say hello, please and thank you.